The past

It has been a long time since I felt this way.
Yeah, the feeling I thought I'd forgotten.
It is coming back to me & it sucks so much.
I thought I'm over everything but no, I'm not.
I'm just pretending.

Pretending everything's gonna be alright.
Pretending that I don't love you anymore.
Pretending that it doesn't hurt anymore.
Pretending that I don't give a damn anymore.
Pretending that I'm so over you.
Pretending that I've forgotten all the memories.
Pretending that I've moved on.

But actually deep inside I'm still missing you.
The truth is I'm not over you.
I'm not over the heartbreak I'd been through.
I couldn't.
They're still stuck with me.
And from time to time they will come back to haunt me.
As if to remind me of what it feels like then.

And when that happens,
I'm reminded of how I feel waking up from dreams to reality.
Do you know what it feels like to wake up to remember that you've lost somebody who meant the world to you?
And going back to sleep thinking if you were asleep?
Also to remember what it feels like to stuck in between moving on
or holding on to everything that has left of us.

No matter how many times I told myself that I'm better off without you,
but a part of me just won't let go.
It has been so long since we have talk,
or should I say since the day you left,
I'm still stuck with you.
I tried being with somebody else just to forget you.
At that moment I thought I've moved on.
He was always there for me so I thought he could replace you in my heart.
Somehow I realised I'm just lying to myself.
I still couldn't escape the thought of you.

Those memories are playing like a film without sound in my mind.
It reminds me of the promises we made then.
And we're left with broken promises now.
What have I done to deserve all this pain?
It's so hard to leave the pain behind when I'm still not over you.

Perhaps, everything is fated.
I'm fated to lost you.
312 days have passed by,
& I can walk through it.
I believe I can let go everything someday else.
Although it's painful but at least,
you gave me the best memories.
Don't cry because it's over,
smile because it happened, right? :))

If the day should come when
you need someone
I will be there
Don't ever let there
be a doubt in your mind
'cause I'll remember you. :')